Beginings
by lynne z
Summary: Slight AU. Takes place sometime between season 3 and 4 there are some spoilers for 4. This story is a series of oneshots set up to show how my Goren and Eames' relationship progresses.
1. Chapter 1

She didn't really know why she had come there.

Despite her quick escape from her so called date, she wasn't ready to go home. She knew if she did she would just start retracing everything that had gone wrong the day before, like she knew he was already doing.

So there she stood with her fist hovering just above Goren's door, daring herself to knock.

She sighed and silently berated herself for her nerves before tapping her fist to the wooded door.

He appeared in front of her after a few seconds, wearing remnants of the suit he had on earlier; black slacks and a blue button down un-tucked and with the top few buttons loose.

"Eames?" he asked. "W-what are you doing here?"

He barely got the last word out before noticing her knee length black dress. It was sleeveless with a V in the front and back.

"Believe it or not I was in the neighborhood."

"You…you look—"

"Oh. Right. I had a date…and it wasn't going well so…"

"Okay…but are you all right?"

Eames sighed. "I keep thinking about yesterday and…"

"Yeah, me too," Goren said. "Come in."

She followed him into the living room and saw three empty beer bottles on an end table next to an overstuffed chair.

"Started the party without me?" Eames asked.

"Well if I had known," he replied. "Do you want one?"

"Please."

Goren retrieved the two bottles and passed one to Eames. She sat at one end of the sofa, while he cautiously sat at the opposite.

Both took sips of their beers and stared at nothing in particular in silence.

From the corner of his eyes he watched her ring her hands and her knuckles tighten together. He didn't understand why she seemed so uncomfortable. They had tough cases before and on occasion they even went out for drinks afterwards. Since her return from maternity leave those occasions had become more frequent and they had even started to share dinners off duty a couple times a week.

"There's nothing we could have done," Eames said, slightly turning to catch his eyes.

"I pushed him too far…he wouldn't have—"

"He was guilty."

"He was a messed up kid. He didn't premeditate killing his mother."

"But he did premeditate covering it up and he got caught."

"And he got scared…" Goren sat forward and rubbed his face in his hands. "I should have seen—"

"Bobby, this is not your fault," she said and slid closer to his side of the sofa. "He pulled the trigger, not you."

"I tried to talk him down…"

She put a soft hand on his rough cheek and turned his eyes to hers.

"You can't help everyone."

She didn't remove her hand, nor did he pull away as her thumb stroked his cheek bone. Their eyes were locked with apprehension and want.

She was the one who pulled his lips to hers, but he was the one who parted her lips to explore her mouth and twined his fingers in her hair.

Eames pulled back. "Oh, God."

She scrambled to her feet and retreated toward the door.

"Eames!" Goren called after her as he got to his feet. "Wait."

He planted his palms against the door and surrounded her.

"Let me go' Bobby."

"You kissed me."

"Your powers of observation are astounding."

"Why'd you really come here?"

Eames shook her head, and then moved to go under his arm. She was stilled by his hand spreading across her stomach and they both felt the slight shudder that went through her.

"I told you."

"Eames," his voice was soft yet persistent.

She sighed, and then shrugged. "I don't know. I was eating dinner with Pete and…and it just wasn't right."

"What wasn't right?"

She rolled her eyes and looked down at his hand. "Do you mind?"

Goren placed this hand back against the door and she leaned her head on it, staring at the cracks in his ceiling.

She let out a deep breath.

"When I started…dating again, after Joe died, I would always compare whoever I was with to him. How they laughed…or told a joke…the…the way they held a fucking fork. But now I notice the look they get when they're thinking or…how graceful they are when they talk with their hands and…and I'm not comparing them to Joe anymore."

Eames looked up at eyes that were soft and thoughtful.

Goren slid his hands away from the door.

His left fingers hovered over her cheek and then lightly traced the bone to her jaw, until he cradled her neck in his palm. He leaned in closer.

"You know we can't go back now," he said.

He fitted his lips to hers before she could respond. His lips were full, soft, and warm and she couldn't stifle the soft gasp that ran from her tongue to his. She stood as tall as she could and locked her arms around his neck.

His lips traveled down her neck as his hands made the journey down her sides and ended at her thighs. He hoisted her up to his height and she hooked her legs around his waist.

She snaked fingers through his hair and nipped at his cheek and ear. As his hands traveled up her thighs, she groaned against his temple and arched her pelvis into his, forcing a shuddering sigh from his lips to her shoulder.

"Bobby…" she panted into his ear.

"I know."

He tightened his grip on her and carried her to his bed.

He hovered above her and glided his finger along the neckline of her dress as he watched her. She put her fingers to work on the buttons of his shirt, but then caught sight of his eyes. They were warm but distant.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He shook his head. "You're sure about this?"

"You ask me that now?" she asked. "Are you?"

He nodded. "Y-yes."

He leaned over her and pressed his lips into hers. They hurriedly disposed of each other's clothes and began to taste and explore.

Goren traveled the path of her torso; kissing, drawing, memorizing. He made note of her responses, the freckles on her arms, the mole on her left hip, and the small scar on her right knee. He breathed kisses onto her inner thigh and she reached for him to come back to her.

She shuddered as he slid into her and they quickly found a rhythm that was tortuous but soft. They matched each other step for step and took inventory of every gasp, groan, or moan that escaped the other.

He felt her tightening around him and they collapsed into the other.

His face was buried in the crook of her neck as he took in their smell: honeysuckle, the musk of his cologne, the faint citrus in her hair, and sweat.

Her fingers combed through this hair as she kissed his temple and felt his nose against her neck.

She laughed softly. "You're smelling me aren't you?"

He smiled against her skin.

"It's a nice smell."


	2. Chapter 2

A couple months later

Neldah was a cultured, intelligent, and delicate woman, all of which were traits Goren had seemed to be attracted to in the pasts. She was also a murderer, a fact Eames was desperately trying to comfort herself with.

Eames was certainly no murderer, but she also had never heard the terms "cultured" or "delicate" used in a sentence with her name attached. Tough, smart, and sarcastic, she heard plenty. So, why was this well traveled, ridiculously well read, beautiful man sitting in a Thai diner with her and not out finding a non-murderous Neldah?

The pair sat in the back booth and Eames picked at her chicken pad Thai with a plastic fork. She could feel his eyes on her from the opposite side and he leaned slightly across the table.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"You know Deakins was worried you were getting to close to her."

He watched her with parted lips and a raised brow. She hated that look because she knew in that one glance he could strip her completely naked.

"And…and so did you," he said. "Eames—"

"Bobby, I've watched you flirt with suspects before. This was different…given the right situation you could have—"

"She's a murderer…and I'm with you."

"But if she wasn't? I've seen some of your old girlfriends and she fits the bill a hell of a lot better than me—"

"So what the hell have we been doing the past two months?"

"I don't know. That's the point. We keep saying we're going to sit down and talk about our…relationship or whatever this is—"

"_Whatever this is_?" Goren's voice rose. "What do think that…that I've been using you?"

She was surprised by the hurt in his voice, but didn't soften her own.

"Were you attracted to her?"

"So what if I was. It doesn't mean that I would automatically want to pursue a relationship with her or anything else for that matter…and I know I would never love her."

"You don't know that!"

"Yes! I do, because I—" he pressed a hand to his lips, pushing the words back in.

"What? You what?"

He lowered his hand and caught her eyes with his.

"Because I love you…I'm in love with you."

Eames sat back in her seat. "I…"

"I've never…I've never been good at saying the words, but I've wanted to for…for a while…and please say something."

"I…I guess were having that talk."

He gave her an unsure smile.

"I'm sorry if I took it too far with Neldah. I never intended to worry or hurt you…"

"Can you take me home?"

"Uh…what?"

She pulled out some cash from her pocket and placed it on the table. Then she slid from her side of the booth to his and twined her fingers with his.

"I'm not good with the words either."

He studied her for a moment with that same naked look and then followed her lead as they walked hand-in-hand to his apartment.


	3. Chapter 3

A Month Later

Goren walked up to Eames' modest bungalow in Rockaway. He heard the faint sound of music seep through the cracks in the door frame; he was pretty sure it was The Smiths.

He rang the bell and listened to the locks discharge.

A messy Eames appeared in the doorway wearing gray yoga pants stained with blue paint and a frayed blue cami. He loved the fact that he was welcome into these hidden sides of her, which he either never saw before or tried to ignore.

"Hey," she said. "I thought you were visiting your mom."

"I…I was. I just got back. Sorry, I should have called."

"No. It's fine…come in," she gestured him inside. "I was just cleaning."

He followed her toward the living room and she turned down the stereo.

"I didn't know you liked The Smiths," Goren said.

He hovered in the doorway with his hands shoved into denim pockets and concentrated on the movement of her shoulder blades before she turned to face him.

She smirked. "I didn't know you knew who they were."

He smiled sheepishly. "Morrissey…has an interesting view of the world and some of his references are fairly obscure."

She smirked, thinking naturally that's why he would like them, and curled up in a chair to watched Goren in the doorway.

"Are you okay?" Eames asked.

He nodded and scratched the back of his neck as he wandered further into the room.

"Yeah…we just haven't talked since we left Carver's office yesterday," he said.

"Didn't seem like there was much to say."

"I take it your still mad at me."

"I was never mad at you."

"You were upset."

"I just…I don't understand why you went to bat for him. You said it yourself that he would do it again."

"But he didn't do it out of malice," he said pacing in front of her. "He did it out of desperation."

"Bobby, he drilled a hole in a girl's head and poured water on her brain. All of us have moments of need and desperation but—"

"It's more than just the yearning…it's the hopelessness," he sat down on the edge of the coffee table to meet her eyes. "To be alone for so long, to not have anyone to talk to or to help you…to feel you have to hide what you are so as not to be rejected. It…it's maddening."

For the briefest of moments she saw that desperation in the dark eyes seated in front of her and felt the understanding come over her, accompanied by a slight sadness as she leaned forward in her chair.

"And…that's how you felt as a kid," she said cautiously.

Goren started to pace again and rubbed his hand along his chin and jaw. Eames followed him and caught his wrist. She put herself in front of him and placed her hands on his chest. He didn't look up at her, but covered her hands with his own and made circles with his thumbs.

He lifted his eyes from their hands to her eyes.

"Yes," he finally said. "I was never as…isolated as Tagman, but…I know that sadness…of just needing…someone."

"Hey," Eames said and snaked her hands up to his neck. "You can talk to me, you know, about your mom…or whatever. You don't have to, but you can."

He ran a hand through her hair and tucked a piece behind her ear.

He nodded. "Today…today was a bad day. I just…I really wanted to see you."

She pulled his lips down to hers and he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"You want to stay and make me dinner?" she smiled against his lips.

He laughed and stood straight, grateful that she knew he wasn't ready to say more.

"Do you have anything to make dinner with?"

"You're resourceful. You'll figure something out."

"I could take you out."

"What like an actual date?"

"We've gone out before."

"No…we've gone to grab a bite after wrapping up a case."

"Okay…well we could remedy that."

Eames softly shook her head. "Let's just stay here."

Goren smiled. "You don't feel like getting dressed do you?"

"Not at all."

Goren nodded and made his way to rummage through the kitchen. He discovered some pasta and canned sauce, which he added some spices and mushrooms to.

They sat hip to hip on the sofa as they ate and watched a movie. Their plates gradually made their way to the coffee table and Eames began to doze off on his shoulder.

She was warm and lazy, seemingly unaware of his presence.

"Eames," he whispered into her hair.

"I'm awake."

He quietly laughed. "Do you want me to go?"

She looked up and rested her chin on his shoulder.

"I figured you were going to stay…unless you're uncomfortable."

"No, I'd like to stay."

She nodded. "It's just we always end up at you're place."

"Well, it's closer to work…" he said then studied her eyes. "Are you comfortable with me staying here?"

"I want you to stay…but I also…"

"Feel guilty?" he offered. "Because…because of Joe."

She nodded. "It's silly…I mean it's been six years…"

"It's not silly…it's loyalty. You shared his house with him…if you want me to stay I will and I understand if you're not ready for me to."

"You're going to make me make all the tough decisions, aren't you," she said through a smile.

He watched her conflicted eyes speak silently to his and understood that she needed him to lead on this one.

"I want to stay."

"Okay."

She slid her chin off this shoulder, guiding her temple back to take its place and returned to a light, warm sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

3 Months Later

Eames paced the length of her living room rug as she waited for Goren to get there. Initially she told him she wanted to be alone, but three hours of gnawing at her thumb nails prompted her to call him.

She heard a knock, his knock, and opened the door to a casual Goren dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey…what's wrong?" he asked as he followed her into the living room.

She could feel his steady gaze searing into her back.

He was always the anxious one; the one fighting to explain himself, while she was the steady one. She was rarely indecisive or easily spooked. So, why did she so hastily tell him that she wanted to be alone, and then call him to come over barely three hours later?

He listened as she took a deep breath and led him to the sofa. She turned her body toward his once seated and held his hand. He took this a sign of good faith.

"Okay…" Eames sighed. "So you know I went to the doctor this morning because I was gonna go back on the pill…"

"Yeah…" he said with a furrowed brow.

"Well…it looks like…it's a little late for that."

She looked up at his eyes, wondering if he was going to make her say the actual words. She'd never seen this fearful, silent face before.

"You're?"

"Yeah…"

Goren stood and started the same path Eames walked earlier up and down the rug.

"How…how far along?"

"About six weeks."

She propped her arm over the sofa and rubbed her forehead. Her stomach seemed to be swirling in step with his pacing.

"How long have you suspected?"

"I didn't."

"We've been careful."

"Obviously not careful enough."

"Wh-what do you want to do?"

She grabbed his wrist and tugged him back to the sofa.

"Please sit," she pushed him onto the sofa and she sat on the coffee table. "Bobby, I'm thirty-six years old, I may not get another chance at this…and ever since…"

Goren tapped his fingers against his knee and kept his eyes on her joined hands.

"I knew…I could tell you wanted kids after you had your nephew, but we've never discussed this…I don't know if I…we haven't even told anyone that we're together and…"

"Look, I'm prepared to do this on my own—"

"No—"

"I don't want you here out of obligation."

"It's not that I don't want this…there's just a lot to consider. Work, your family…my mom," he said then met her eyes. "You know it'll have a greater chance…"

"I know," she said reaching behind her for a group of papers. "I've been reading about it since I got home."

He tentatively took the print outs from her and thumbed through them.

"You read all of this?"

She nodded. "I may not spend hours at the library, but I can do research. Listen, I'm not being naïve about this, but the fact that you or your brother has never shown signs means there's a good chance that your children wouldn't either."

Eames could feel him thinking and with her gaze attempted to sooth him into believing it would be okay; that one way or another things would work out.

"You really want this…with me."

"Yes, I do."

He exhaled and placed his hands on her knees.

"How long do you want to wait to tell everyone?"

His was flat, trying to hide his concerns, but it was still something.

"I figure we have a couple months before we have to."

He slid his hands up to her hips as he leaned his forehead to her shoulder and she draped her arms around his. She lightly kissed his cheek and then buried her nose in the crook of his neck.

He focused on the light strings of air tickling his neck and wanted desperately to believe her.

"Eames, I don't want you to be upset with me but…I'm gonna need some time to get my head around all of this."

"I know…it's okay."

"I—" Gore began to open his mouth again when his cell started to ring.

They let go of each other and he fished his phone out of his pocket.

"Goren," he answered and paused to listen. "Okay…no, I'll call her."

She rubbed her face against her hands before looking back at him, as if putting on a new face.

"So?" she asked as he put his phone back in this pocket.

"Uh…there's a body in the subway…looks like he just collapse after stealing some diamonds from a jewelry store near the station…looks like an accomplice got away with the goods."

"How considerate."

He rose and headed toward her bedroom.

"I still have a suit here, right?"

"Near the back of the closet," she called as she followed after him.


	5. Chapter 5

About Two Months Later

Eames entered Goren's apartment and looked around at the dim lighting suspiciously, while the smell of marinara traveled to her nose.

The past month and a half they remained close, spending most of their days and nights together, but continued to dance around the elephant growing in Eames' belly. They did manage to address it to her family, which for Goren ranked high with his other most uncomfortable moments. Her father was visibly worried and disappointed, but surprisingly Lucas, her older and favorite brother, came to their aid.

Eames leaned against the doorway into the kitchen and watched him as he finished a place setting, then lit a lantern, which she smirked at.

"Hot date?" she asked.

He turned and gave her that boyish smile that made her stomach rumble.

"There's a slight possibility…but don't tell my partner. I think she has a crush on me."

Playful Goren she hadn't seen since Nicole Wallace reappeared a couple months ago. Eames tried to convince herself it was Nicole's fault for his short temper lately and not the fact that she had just told him he was going to be a father.

"Too bad for her," she said as she walked toward him. "A lantern?"

"I…I don't have candles," he said and then gestured toward the pot cooling on the stove. "I made eggplant parmesan."

It was one of her favorites and she was growing more suspicious.

"What's all this for?"

He shrugged. "I know this case was…rough…I thought we both needed to unwind a little."

"Have you been drinking?" she laughed.

He smiles. "Uh…no."

"You just seem so calm."

"Uh…cooking for some reason does that…"

"Well it smells good."

He kissed her forehead and then moved to grab the pot.

"I called a lawyer friend of mine today," he said as he placed the pot on the table. "He's agreed to meet with Whitlock's mother-in-law to help her sue for custody of Adam."

She watched him as he dished out food onto their plates and found her lips curling upward with pride and affection.

She sat down next to him and they began to eat.

"What did he think her chances were?"

"He said it would be tough, but I told him both of us would be willing to testify for her…I didn't think you would mind."

"No, of course not. It's good that you did that."

"I hope so." Goren said. "What did you do this afternoon?"

"Went and talked to an old friend," she said casually.

He nodded and smiled, knowing she meant she went to Joe's grave.

"Did he give you any insights?" he asked softly to hide the faint hint of jealousy he couldn't control.

She nodded absently.

"Bobby, I need you to tell me what you're thinking…just you, not what you think I want you to want."

He sighed as he sat back in his chair and rubbed his fingers against his lips.

"I don't know Eames…everything's been so good since…since that first night. And not just personally…professionally we've been better than we ever were…and," he voice trailed off as he played with the fraying fabric on his knee. "And I don't want to lose that."

"Neither do I," Eames said, with a little more hostility than she intended.

"I know that—"

"But even if we do get split up that doesn't mean things personally have to change. In fact it could be better…we could actually go out without worrying about who we might run into or who they might tell…maybe it's a good thing that are hand is being forced."

"I can't believe how calm you've been about all this."

"Well, one of us has to be…and I apparently drew the short straw."

He sat up in his chair with irritation in his eyes that met hers.

"How'd you expect me to react? You drop this bomb in my lap that changes both of our lives…forever…and you—"

"You think you were the only one freaked out about this? Do you have any idea what went through my head when I found out? Of course not…cause you never asked…too wrapped up in being a selfish—"

"Hey! Don't…you know you could have told me—"

"One of us had to keep it together and…I was scared too. Scared of how it would affect my career, 'cause not only was I knocked up, but knocked up by partner, the reaction of my family, which wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, and you…that you would…"

"That I would run away…" he said softly and rubbed a hand against his chin.

She nodded and took a deep breath to soften her voice. "But see eventually I wasn't just holding it together…I really was calm and excited and…and I just knew…I knew it would be okay."

"I want to feel that way," he said as he caught her yes with his. "I do…I do love you and I want to believe you, but I don't know if I'm ready for all of this."

"Goren, you're forty years old, if you're not ready now, you're not gonna be," Eames said, trying to keep her tone light. "Look, if you really don't want this then tell me and I'll go…clean break no questions asked, but if you're just scared of what will happen if you allow yourself to want this, then stop pushing me away."

He studied her with glassy eyes, and then leaned forward to twine his fingers with hers. The feel of her skin steadied him.

"I don't want you to go," he said finally. "The idea of you having…my child…is astounding and horrifying. There's so much that could go wrong, but I'll try…I can't promise anything."

"I'm not asking you to…I know we're going about this ass backwards, but maybe it can work…and maybe it won't, but this…us…it deserves a shot," Eames said. "And…I love you too. Now let's actually eat."

Goren smiled and lightly brushed his lips to hers before returning to his plate.


	6. Chapter 6

At Five Months Pregnant

Goren and Eames sat across from each other in a small deli across from 1PP and quietly ate their sandwiches.

She could see is mind racing with theories about his latest case despite his stillness. The investigation had been on going for a couple of weeks now and she hadn't seen much of him since it started.

"Are you and Logan staying out of trouble?" she asked.

He looked up at her and faintly smiled.

"I think so…Deakins may disagree."

"Yeah, I heard he got a little rough with one of the kids you two picked up."

Goren nodded, fighting annoyance and amusement.

"We picked them up at a pool hall…and one started to resist…so Logan pinned him to the wall with a cue stick," Goren said. "But in some of the interviews…he acted like their best friend…I haven't quiet figured him out yet. I still feel like I have to over explain myself…how are you and Barek getting along?"

"Good…I'm a little tired of the Cagney and Lacey comments, but it's good," she said. "She kind of reminds me of you…you know, but more subdued."

He gave her the first toothy smile she had seen in a while.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Good…real good," she said and absently stroked her growing belly. "Um…I have a doctor's appointment Friday morning at eight. I was wondering if you want to come?"

"Uh…" his mouth gaped open like a dear in headlights. "Really?"

"Yeah," she nodded confused by his surprise.

"It's just you've never asked me to go with you before."

"Well, I kind of figured you knew there was an open invitation…it is your kid too."

"I know."

"I know this case has you busy, so if you can't it's—"

"I would like to go."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"Okay…I can pick you up at your apartment."

Goren nodded. "Okay."


	7. Chapter 7

Two Days Later

Eames lay on the exam table and watched Goren pace as he read the numerous pamphlets and posters that littered the exam room. Over the past couple of months he had gotten better at hiding what was bothering him, or maybe it was just because she hadn't since much of him, but she could still see it there in moments he didn't think she was looking.

"Bobby?"

"Hmm?" he replied, but continued to pace and read.

She sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Goren?"

He turned to look at her. "What?"

"Can you please sit? You're making me queasy."

He sighed and sat on a stool by her left side.

"Sorry."

"I know. It's okay."

He continued to tap his fingers on his knees until there was a soft knock on the door. A moment later a red headed woman in her early forties entered the room with a smile and a manila file.

"Hello Alex," the doctor said, then noticed Goren. "You must be the allusive father."

Her tone was teasing, but Eames didn't miss the slight grimace that went through Goren as he extended his hand to her.

"Bobby Goren."

"It's a pleasure to put a face to the name. Kate Wesson," she said as she shook his hand, and then turned her attention to Eames. "So how are you feeling?"

"Fine…great even."

Kate move to the right side of Eames and rolled up the hem of her shirt to expose the bump in her stomach. Goren watched Kate's fine fingers push and prod at Eames' flesh.

"And are you getting enough sleep?" Kate asked.

"Seven hours…at least."

"Uh-huh," Kate said as she began to thumb through Eames' file. "Well everything looks pretty good, except your iron is a little lower than I'd like it to be. Nothing too serious, but you need to make sure your taking your vitamins, getting enough protein, and _sleep_. Eight hours…at least."

"I'll…work on it," Eames said with a coy smile.

Kate returned the smile and nodded.

"All right, you ready to see the kid?"

"Sure," Eames said.

Goren didn't miss the conspirator-like smiles that passed between the two women.

He noted every preparation Kate made: the squish of clear jelly, the white flashlight like instrument pressed to Eames' belly and then the throb of a tiny heartbeat.

Goren's eyes shifted immediately to the monitor at the foot of the exam table and softened with awe. He propped an elbow up on the exam table and brushed a finger across his lips as he watched the shadowy figure.

He pointed toward the screen. "That…that's the heart rate?"

Kate nodded and looked more closely at the screen.

"_Her_ heart rate and it's strong."

Goren remained dazed as Kate turned off the machine and cleaned up Eames.

"Be sure to schedule your next appointment with the receptionist before you leave. They'll also have a picture of the little one for you," Kate said pulling down Eames' shirt.

"Thanks Kate."

"It was a pleasure, Alex," Kate said. "And nice meeting you detective."

Kate nodded her goodbyes and left them alone.

Eames began to sit up and Goren stood to help as she grinned up at him. He twined his fingers with hers and stepped back to study her.

He smirked. "You…you played me. You knew…this would make it…her…real to me.

Her grin grew wider.

"The great Goren taken down by a fetus."

He let her have her laugh then leaned to kiss her forehead.

"Would it be all right if I stayed at your place tonight?"

"Yes."

"It'll probably be late."

Eames nodded. "I have a spare key I can give you."

Goren nodded and brushed his lips against hers.

It was almost eleven before she heard her front door open and then lock again.

Eames lay on her side, faking sleep, and listened to his surprisingly light foot falls come down the hall to her bedroom.

She stayed still while he stripped down to his boxers and felt the bed shift as he crawled in beside her. He rolled over the face and she fought back a smile, but lost.

"I already knew were awake," he said.

"I would have had you if not for the smile."

"It wasn't the smile…you're breathing…its different when you're asleep. It's softer…and you occasionally whistle through your right nostril."

"I do not," she looked up at him half amused and half disturbed.

"Y-yes you do," he smiled and began to play with the strap on her tank top.

His fingers traveled down her arm until his palm rested flat on her belly. She placed a hand over his and he caught sight of her eyes. There was a softness in them mixed with happiness and sadness that he had never seen before.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing…it just…that's the first time you've done that," she said as she directed her eyes down at their hands resting on her stomach.

She regretted her words as she saw the fear and guilt creep back into his eyes.

Silently she pleaded, _please don't retreat again. Not after we just got so close._

"I…" he started to speak, but she could see him fighting for the right thing to say. "I wanted to for awhile…but I…I couldn't." He let out a long sigh. "I really don't want to screw this up."

There it was the truth she had been waiting for.

"Bob—"

"I don't want to screw her up, or you. You're probably the longest relationship I've ever had and that's not even counting the months we've been a _couple_…" he stared blankly at their hands as he continued to ramble. "…and now that I think about it I, whether consciously or not, I made sure that they wouldn't last. I worked too much or didn't share enough…and not because I didn't want a family, but because I didn't think I should have one. The way I grew up…I was always waiting for the bottom to fall out…I never wanted my children to feel that."

Eames grasped his cheeks in her hands and forced him to look at her.

"She won't," Eames said with conviction, hoping to pour it out through her palms and into his skin.

"I don't know how to be a father, Eames. At best my father ignored me—"

"What, you think the rest of us have some secret manual that's been hidden from you?" she said with a faint laugh. "Listen to me. First off, thank you for finally telling me all this. We can work with this; worked past it…and secondly there is no one else I would feel safer leaving my child with."

He knew she meant it and for the first time in a long time he felt safe.

He moved his hands up to cradle her neck and he had to kiss her. She welcomed his bottom lip between hers and felt his tongue glide against her top lip. They massaged and sucked at each other until finally they broke and rested their foreheads together.

He studied her closed eyes and sleepy smile.

"Eames?"

"Hmm?"

"Um…do you want to come with me sometime…to meet my mom?"

Her eyes shot open and she pulled her head back slightly.

"Really?"

"I…uh…would call ahead first…I don't want you to meet her when she'd having a bad day, but…yes."

"I would like that."

She moved closer and pulled his lips back to hers.

"Aren't you suppose to sleep," he teased against her mouth.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Sleep can wait."

She returned her attention back to his mouth and his hands began to roam.


	8. Chapter 8

Nine Months and Two Weeks Pregnant

One hand twisted around the rail of the hospital bed, while the other rested on her stomach and she bent her knees as far as her belly would allow.

"Where the hell is he?" Eames asked.

"Do you want me to text him again?" Carrie, her sister, asked.

"No," Eames groaned and twisted her body.

"Another contraction?"

Eames nodded and her sister began to time it.

"Okay," she breathed out as it passed.

"Do you want some ice chips?" Carrie asked.

"No, I don't want any damn ice chips."

"Look, big sis, I didn't get you into this predicament this time, so you can't abuse me this time," she teased.

Eames tried to laugh. "Sorry."

"It's okay…I still love you."

"You better," Eames snorted.

Carrie laughed and then looked up at the footsteps coming through the door.

"Hey Bobby," Carrie said.

"What the hell took you so long?"

Goren nodded hello to Carrie as he approached the bed and loosened his tie.

"We were at a crime scene," he said.

"I'm two weeks overdue and he's sniffing dead bodies."

"I told you I would have taken the time off."

"I'm gonna go make phone calls," Carrie said just before slipping out the door.

"And you told me not to," Goren finished.

Eames sighed. "I know…so tell me about it."

"What?"

"The case!" she huffed and then recoiled. "I'm sorry."

She reached out for his hand.

"You're not break it are you?"

She faintly smiled. "I'll try not too."

He knew a short tempered Eames was usually hiding a worried or scared Eames.

"Fair enough," he said as he tightened his fingers around hers and then kissed the back of her hand. "How do you feel?"

She responded with her _you're not serious_ look, though she knew he was.

"Well…I have a bowling ball nipping at my crotch, I'm already tired…all the nurses are young, pretty, and disgustingly cheery. I can't believe I forgot how much this hurts…and I'm starting to realize I have no idea what I've gotten myself into…sure I've taken care of my nieces and nephews, but I've always given them back—"

"Hey," he said, teasingly stern. "I thought I had the patent on freaking out in this relationship."

Eames laughed despite the pain and fear bubbling through her.

"You've been spending too much time with me…you're starting to sound like me."

He smiled and leaned to kiss her temple. He lingered there, allowing her to feel his breath and he began to massage her scalp with his fingertips.

"You've always known everything's going to be okay," the vibration of his voice was soft against her skin. "You even managed to get me to believe it…there's no reason to think differently now."

She squeezed his hand and they continued to wait.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Eames was curled on her side with heavy eyelids and muscles still aching. She lifted her lids and a lazy smile crossed her lips at the sight across from her.

Goren sat in a chair near her hospital bed and traced the tiny, soft features of the little girl resting in the crook of his arm.

"Hey," she said with a hoarse voice.

"Hey," he smiled up at her.

"Well, what do you think?"

He opened hismouth but no words would come out

"Will wonders never cease," Eames smirked. "You're speechless."

He turned back to study the girl's face and lightly drew his finger along her brows and into the hair that was so obviously his, then down her cheek to the nose that was so obviously Eames'.

"It's strange," he finally said. "How…how natural this feels…how attached…"

"I know," Eames said as she shifted and raised the bed to a sitting position. "Come here."

Goren slipped the little girl into Eames' lap and sat beside her. He wrapped an arm around her hips and let her lean into his shoulder, so that his chin grazed her temple.

"She's absolutely beautiful, Eames," he said softly.

"Hey, Madison," Eames said as a tiny fist captured her index finger.

Eames thought back to the first time she did this and how the experience changed her completely, but that he wasn't hers, then drowned in the fact that she was.

She pressed her palm against her teary eyes.

"Hey," Goren tilted his head to see her face.

"Sorry…I'm just a little overwhelmed, I guess."

"Yeah, me too…I just…I've never seen you cry."

Eames smiled. "Don't tell."

"Promise," he smiled and held up is free hand in surrender.

"Did Carrie leave?"

"Yeah…when your parents got here. She's going to try to come back later with Nathan. Lucas is apparently going to come by with Cass after his shift, but Danny is stuck at the firehouse. Lily may come without him depending on how she's feeling."

"I take it mom gave you the run down?"

"Yeah."

"They've seen her, right?"

Goren nodded. "Your…your dad…hugged me."

Eames laughed. "You'll learn that granddaughters make great bargaining tools with my old man."

"And Deakins came by…"

"Really?"

Goren nodded. "Yeah…officially he says he's very disappointed in our un-professionalism and for lying to him—"

"We didn't lie…we just omitted."

"I tried that, but…he said unofficially…she's…a very lucky girl."

For a moment her resolve was softened by the sentiment.

"He didn't try to hug you too, did he?"

Goren laughed. "Thankfully no."

"Have you told your mom yet?"

"I called her…she's called me three times since then. She wants to talk to you…wants to tell you to make sure I bring the two of you with me to see her."

"I can call her…"

"You don't have to."

"Will it help?"

He nodded reluctantly. "Probably."

"Then I'll call."

"Thanks," he said. "Uh…they wanted me to finalize the birth certificate, but we never really finished discussing last names."

"Hyphen or no hyphen."

"We haven't even thought about middle names, so…what if Eames is her middle name."

"That's a lot of last names," she smiled. "But I think it suits her. And you already signed off on it didn't you?"

"Well they were very pushy about it."

She laughed and leaned her head back to look up at him. It was the first time she can remember not seeing any hint of worry or trepidation in the corners of his eyes.

He lightly touched his lips to hers and they both smiled.


	9. Chapter 9

Madison at Four Months Old

Goren stirred in Eames' bed and reached for her only to find more mattress. He looked up at the green numbers of the clock.

2 am: a feeding time.

He threw the covers off and wandered toward the living room.

He hovered in the doorway and watched her as she dozed in her oversized chair with Madison in her lap, sucking at her right breast. Eames and the baby were partially covered by one of Goren's dress shirts, which Eames had started sleeping in, claiming they were easier to nurse in, but secretly liking the smell of them when he didn't make it to her house at night.

"I know you're there," she said, smiling faintly, but did not open her eyes.

He started walking toward them.

"You always do."

He knelt by the left side of the chair and crossed his arms on the arm of the chair. He watched Madison's jaw work eagerly back and forth, mesmerized by the tiny rhythm.

"You should go back to bed…I know you haven't slept much since you got this case," Eames said.

"I know…but…I just like to watch."

She smiled, remembering the first time she heard him say that and how she was more than a little creeped out by it, but now found it oddly comforting.

"Still, you probably should have gone to your apartment."

"I sleep better here," he said and then paused to look up at her closed eyes. "Listen, I've been thinking…maybe it's time I got rid of my apartment."

Her head shot up and her eyes locked with his.

"You want to move in here?" she asked.

"W-well," he stammered as he took hold of her hand and massaged her knuckles with his thumbs. "I thought we…could find a new place…together."

"You want me to sell the house?" she asked softly.

"Eames…you know that this house…will never be ours."

She sighed and leaned her head back against the chair. She glanced over the home that had turned into a relic of a life she no longer had and no longer really wanted, but was still unsure if she could let go of.

"I know," she murmured as she stared at nothing in particular. "Seems like someone else's life sometimes."

Goren continued to knead his thumbs against her skin as he studied her.

"You…you still miss him."

She rolled her neck to look at him.

"Sometimes…"

"It's okay," he said. "He was a part of you."

"It's not the same," she said abruptly. "The way I miss him, I mean. It's kind of like an old friend that crosses your mind, that you think you should call, but you know you probably won't get around to it….I guess that's what I really miss: my friend."

"Wh-what was he like?"

"You're really going after the elephant in the room here, aren't you?"

He smirked. "I'm just curious…and I don't mind."

Eames noticed Madison was beginning to doze off more than eat, so she shifted the girl to her shoulder and rubbed her back.

"I always got the feeling it made you uncomfortable," she said.

A soft burp escaped the baby's lips before either spoke.

"It's a little…strange, but I don't want you to not talk to me about him or that life."

Eames slouched down in the chair so Madison could sleep in the crook of her neck and absently fingered the baby's soft hair.

"He was nothing like you," she said with a soft laugh. "He liked things to be straight forward, simple. He didn't care much for grey areas…Carver would have loved him"

Goren sat up on the arm of the chair, quietly laughing, and drew circles on Madison's back with his middle finger.

"He wouldn't have liked me much, though," he said with a boyish smile.

She returned the smile.

"You would have…challenged him," she said and then her face turned more serious. "He was a good man."

"I have no doubt of that."

"God…we were only twenty-two or twenty-three when we met. He was from a family of cops too, though his dad had gone higher in the ranks than mine. He had a lot of pressure on him to do the same, particularly after we got married, and even more so when I made detective first."

"Did it bother him?" Goren asked tentatively.

"He would never say it did, but I think so…not because he didn't want it for me, but because his brothers wouldn't let him live it down. They all married, as his mother put it, '_more traditional women._' She was very old fashioned and couldn't fathom the idea that we were married for four years and had no children to show for it."

"Catholic?"

"Very."

"How old were you when you got married?"

"Twenty-five. Thinking back, I honestly have no idea where we would have ended up if he hadn't died…I still might have ended up right here," she paused and kissed Madison's forehead. "I take it you want to look in the city?"

He smiled. "Preferably."

She nodded. "Okay…I guess now's a good as time as any to start looking."

He leaned over to kiss Madison's head and then smoothed her hair under his finger tips.

Goren caught Eames' eyes with his own and silently asked, _you're sure?_

She nodded. He completed the distance between them and brushed his lips against hers.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Well this is the last chapter. Thanks so much to everyone who has been reading, especially those that have left reviews. This was my first posting of fan fic so they were all very welcoming and encouraging. A lot of this story was step up for other ideas I have, some of which are similar in format and others that will be case files. I hope everyone will continue to read and review. Now: on with the show.**

Madison at a Year and Eight Months Old

Goren lay on his stomach on the floor next to Madison, who held a fat crayon in her left hand as she hovered over a blank page.

Eames sat on the sofa, with her feet securely tucked under her and a book in her hand that she wasn't reading. She liked watching them together, liked seeing the tension that usually latched itself to Goren's bones seep out through his pores.

She started noticing the changes in him when they moved in together a year ago. He was still her twitchy partner in constant need of texture and smell, but he had gotten better about not living in his work. The tougher cases still found there way into the sanctuary of their apartment, but most of them managed to stay safely locked away somewhere at his desk or in an interrogation room.

Goren could spend the better half of an evening watching Madison discover new things and he was usually the one she went to, to lead her on these little journeys. He would subtly teach her the words of a new found object and never assumed that understanding was not within her grasp.

Eames thought back to a few weeks ago when she caught him reading her an article from one of his issues of the Smithsonian about a newly discovered Egyptian tomb.

"What? She wanted to know what the pictures were of," he said defending himself.

"Bobby—"

"She came in here, she pointed to the picture…did her whole 'what dis'"

"And you started reading the whole thing to her?" Eames laughed.

"Hey she's at least gotten quiet."

"Of course she has you're reading the Smithsonian to her."

Eames quietly chuckled at the memory. Her mind drifted to more playful things he did like simple magic tricks that failed to impress her older nieces or how animated he could become while reading Dr. Seuss.

"Do you want to get married?"

He looked up at her, not sure if he was startled more by the question or how matter-a-fact the question was asked.

"Uh..." he sat up. "D-do you…want to get married?"

"It's not that ridiculous of an idea."

"No, no it's not…I just didn't think you would want…"

His voice trailed off as she sat on the floor beside him.

"We practically are anyway…and it would be easier for Maddie when she's older and…and there's the tax break," she paused to smirk. "I'd keep my last name…we just got Deakins to put us back together, it might irk him to have to yell 'Goren and Goren…'"

He was still startled, but also amused by her nervous rambling. Eames didn't ramble and she rarely got nervous. She was serious about this.

"Those are all…valid and practical reasons," he said and brushed a piece of hair behind her ear. "But I don't need a wedding or a piece of paper to know who you are to me."

"I don't want a big, circus wedding…I already did that once…mostly for Joe's mom," she paused as he heard him quietly laugh. "That's a story for a different night. Look…I just…is it so hard to believe I like the idea of being your wife…well say something…don't leave me out to dry in my embarrassing girly moment."

He smiled and glanced back at Madison as she waddled toward him. She plopped herself down in his lap and he instinctively started running a hand over her loose brown curls.

He turned his eyes back to Eames.

"_My_ wife," he said with a teasing smirk, which she rolled her eyes to. "I…I think I'd like that."

His voice had softened with sincerity and he raised his free palm to cradle her cheek. He pulled her mouth to his and his bottom lip lingered between hers.

"I'll take that as a yes." Eames said.

Goren nodded. "Now about you're mother-in-law stories…"

Eames laughed, loving him for knowing she needed the safety of her humor to ease the weight of emotion passing between the three bodies sitting in the center of their living room floor.


End file.
